Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
