I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
