the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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