it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
