i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
