Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
