Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
