She is in my trunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
