mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
