So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
