I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Green mimosas i think yes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
