he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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