PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
