I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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