god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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