A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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