That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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