I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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