Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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