I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize