is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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