I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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