I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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