i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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