my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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