I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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