Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
