I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
