it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
