I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
