Me too!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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