i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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