My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
