Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
4 words: hood of his car
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize