how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
