Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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