i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
