Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
