This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize