2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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