Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
