I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
