We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
