Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
