yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize