That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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