Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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