He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
