I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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