Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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