Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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