3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
