1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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