I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
