Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
