these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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