Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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