i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
