I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
