I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
