So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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