I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
