i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
