Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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