ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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