ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
