I puked a lego.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We were destined to go to rehab together
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
