Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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