you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
