Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
