Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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