I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
